Raise your hand if you hate being an emotional human being ::Raises both hands and starts waving emphatically::

So last night pretty much sucked. In general I'm a really emotional person anyway. Like, I cry during the new tissue commercials where the people are sitting on the couch talking about their problems. Seriously, really sad. So then, when I get drunk, that emotional crap that I have to deal with when sober increases by like a thousand. Haha. IT SUCKS!!!!!

The night started off fairly well. Darko came over to the hostel and we were playing with my camera and computer and what not, and I was looking forward to a nice quiet uneventful evening, because apparently I'm an old woman. So we were sitting there and Max, one of the French guys came up and asked if we wanted to go get a drink. That sounded nice. We were going to go for just one and then come back to the hostel. So, Max, Darko and myself walked to this pub in Temple Bar and had a couple of drinks. I started to get a little tipsy, as did Darko. Everything up to that point was really good, fine and dandy, and everything in between. So then we left and I was thinking we were going back to the hostel, but we didn't. We went to another pub. See, there was a France/Wales Soccer game on that Max was going to watch with people, so we were just keeping him company until he met up with friends. So we go to this other pub and Darko all of a sudden starts again talking about some really serious stuff. And I'm thinking, what the hell, where did this all come from, and why are we talking about it at a pub, while drunk, with Max. And of course, since I was drunk at this point I was getting really pissed and sad and all that shit that happens when you're emotions are completely out of wack.

And then it gets worse. Do you all remember that fucking slut who I mentioned in an earlier post. Well, she's friends with Max so he invited her over to the Pub. GODDAMNIT. With her stupid short skirt and stiletto boots, I wanted to seriously rip her goddamn bag out of her hand and beat her to a bloody pulp with it. But of course I didn't, and just put a smile on my face. Then Darko decided to bring her into the conversation. Haha. Great. He wasn't going into details much, but still. I would just like to pause here for a second and make it known that it was obviously apparent that Darko and I were "together". As the conversation wore on I could see this girl started to be not as happy as she was when she first came into the bar, and I wasn't entirely sure why. So we got up to leave and Darko says to me "That French girl likes me". And then it all started to make sense. She wanted to fuck him and realized she couldn't with me there. So we're walking to the place where they're going to watch the match, and Darko and I are still talking seriously, and I'm getting more and more pissed and worried, and all I really want to do is go back to the hostel.

So we end up at this bar that is packed and we're on the first floor and start to make our way to the second floor. The entire time I'm getting this ridiculous cold shoulder from Ms. Frenchie, and I just want to fucking laugh. Well somehow, me and this cunt end up on the second floor and Max and Darko have dissapeared. I thought they were right behind me, but they weren't, and the second floor was even worse than the first floor in terms of people. So then I turn around and the fucking bitch is gone as well, making her way through the crowd to where I presume her french friends are. So I'm like, what the fuck, and start to follow her. So picture me, holding a full Bulmers, with my giant purse on my hip, trying to inch through people pressed together so tightly, it's like an all male orgy. I get about half way through the crowd and realize I have NO IDEA where I need to be going because I've completely lost sight of anyone I was familiar with. So, Katie + Large Unfamiliar Crowds= starting to Panic, and so I stopped a minute took a deep breath, turned around and started inching my way back to where there weren't THAT many people, on the way striking up some conversation with the people who's faces are an inch from mine. I've decided that the best way to avoid having a nervous breakdown in large crowds is to just start talking to the closest person to you. It helps.

So I make my way back to not so crowded bar area and call Darko. He's like "Where are you" and I'm like "I'm on the second floor" and he asked me if I was alone, and I said "Yes", thinking because that fucking french cunt ditched me, but I didn't say that. So he said "Ok, meet me at the door, we'll leave".

HALLELUJAH.

I made my way to the door, he quickly followed and we headed out into the cold night. I was excited at this point because I thought we'd hang out for a while at the hostel. But no. Before going back to the hostel he mentioned that we should get another B and B room, and I told him no because he had to get up at 6 to go to work. If we were going to spend the money for a hotel it was going to be on a morning when we can sleep in, damnit. We ended up at the hostel. He told me to see if there was a double room available, but of course there wasn't. It's really frustrating when you can't find any place to stay the night together. I felt like we were fifteen trying to find some random place to have sex without our parents finding out, but really, we just wanted to be able to sleep and talk in the same room by ourselves for once.

So, he realizes that he has to go back to the pub, and I'm thinking "You are not serious", but he was. I was like shit. Now, I am an incredibly jealous person by nature. I'm not happy to admit that and I try not to let it get in the way of things. So I didn't say anything because I don't think we're at that stage yet, when I can say "Um, I don't want you going back to the pub where there's a hot French girl who wants to fuck you". Haha. So I let it go. But at that point I had gotten so pissed and worried, and then he decided to leave. So, he left and went back to the pub, but actually didn't stay long at all. I really didn't have anything to be worried about, honestly. I get myself so worked up over the stupidest things. He came back to the hostel just to say goodbye, and we went our separate ways.

So, all in all, it was a very emotionally draining night, but I don't think for any particular reason. I just think my stupid emotional crap was working on overload. I was feeling insecure, and that is the WORST way to feel when not three hours before you were feeling cozy and content. I've got to get this under control. The problem is, that once I get worried or pissed or emotional, I find it VERY hard to let it go. Even if the situation has corrected itself, I can not calm myself down. I let things bother me way too much and get worked up for nothing, and then can't say to myself "Ok, that's enough, let's calm down". I seriously think it's a problem. And a problem that needs fixing...

*sigh*